Driving and crying

Every day I call my babysitter to check on my kids.  During today’s call, I was told that my son was not well.  He was a little warm in the morning but I gave him Panadol and he seemed to settle. Now he was running a fever and he was asking for his Mama.   

 

Within the hour, I received a call telling me that Mr 4 had vomited and had to go to the doctor.  He was still asking for his Mama.

 

Admittedly and I hate to say this, I was annoyed. 

I know my son is sick, I know he needs his mother and I know he must visit the doctor. 

But in that moment all I could think about were deadlines I need to meet and the entire role I need to learn before I change position next year. 

I was so incredibly busy at work, I could barely even stop to take the phone call telling me that my son needed medical attention.

 

Guilt.

I felt that stifling guilt a working mother feels when she’s torn between children and her job.  I visualised the eye-rolling and knowing glances that some staff members would share.  

‘I’ll show them’, I thought, Robomumming out of the office with an enviro-bag full of marking and lesson preparation.

 

 

 Mr 4 was asleep on the lounge.  He was frightfully hot and groggy.  His face was burning and his usually perfect lips, were dry.  I picked up his frail little body and rushed him to the GP.

“I missed ya, Mama”, he said when he woke up in the waiting room.

 

My heart sank more than it usually does when he says this.

 

I stroked his hair away from his hot little face and held him tightly in my arms.

I noticed some spots near his neck and on closer inspection I saw that they formed a rash that stretched across his torso and between his shoulder blades. 

 

My God in Heaven help me

 

…..

It turns out that Mr 4 most likely has a throat infection, (we’re waiting on results) and the rash is something that should be monitored closely but more than likely is temperature related.

 

Thank you, God.

 

I cried all the way home. 

Driving and crying. 

The more I saw that sleepy boy’s head bobbing around in his booster seat, the more upset I became.

 

 

I wouldn’t ever put anything before my children but today, the prospect of leaving work was intolerable.   Even if just for a few brief minutes, why did I put fucking deadlines before the health of my child?

We’re home now.  Mr 4 is a bit better and I’m just hanging out with him on the lounge being silly and making him giggle.  His temperature is still high but he’s improving and the rash is fading.  The enviro-bag of work is still on the front seat of my car, destined to stay there until tomorrow. 

Instead of working, I thought I’d take a few brief minutes to reflect and share today’s lesson. Parent, partner, sibling or friend, it’s important to slow down and consider our priorities, ensure they are in the correct order.

 

Am I alone on this one?  Or are you willing to admit you drive and cry too?

 

Robomum X

 

 

About Robomum

I blog after my kids go to sleep. It takes a while. View all posts by Robomum

10 responses to “Driving and crying

  • EvieMeenyMineyMo

    Yeah, I drive & cry… Last was on Saturday!

    Oh goodness, your poor boy 😦 it’s good to hear that it’s nothing serious though. Also, please don’t beat yourself up. It’s so hard to balance family and work. I’m sure you are passionate about your work and are spreading yourself out as much as possible to deliver the best results you possibly can to everyone. It’s when we feel we have to do this with not just our jobs, but our kids, our husbands and our extended families, that the pressure is really put on. It can feel the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

    Crying is good. You’re a great mum and a great teacher xx

  • Kirsty @ My Home Truths

    I’m also a working mum and I completely understand where you are coming from. I spent most of last year crying in the car on my way to work after leaving my daughter crying with separation anxiety at school. Every day for over 3 terms. It was heart wrenching for her to be physically prised from me and for me to have to walk away while she was so unhappy. It seems guilt on all levels is the burden of the working mum. Thanks so much for linking up with I Must Confess!

  • ann

    There is no winning is there. I am a stay at home mum and I constantly feel like I should be working to bring in more money but if I was working i would feel guilty for not being there with the kids.

  • The Week That Was… | My Home Truths

    […] resurrected I Must Confess as a weekly linkup. Many thanks to A Parenting Life, Being Gawee and Robomum for linking up and making it a successful return – I really appreciate your support […]

  • mummylovestorun

    Awwww. Your poor little fella. And PoOR you. Mothers guilt is the worst. There are a 100 things I feel guilty about each day! Its ridiculous. Don’t worry what other people think… They either have children and understand or one day will. If not then pity them for never knowing the amazing joy (and responsibility) that exists beyond their work!

    Feel better soon little guy xxxx

  • Carly

    You are definitely not alone at all. Your are not the first to feel this way and sadly you will not be the last.
    I really hope Mr 4 is on the mend and you are not being to hard on yourself.
    As for the crying in the car, I believe that is what glove boxes truly are for, keeping the tissues for overwhelmed mumma’s, I cry a lot in the car too.

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