Happy Hour

About two months ago I made a new friend and for me, she really couldn’t have come along at a better time.  I met her as we soccer-mummed on the sidelines at kids sport.  She has really good energy and is lots of fun.  Being 35 years of age and having recently moved to a new area, I was quite proud of myself to make a brand new friend, independent of everyone I know.  She is 31, has kids the same age as mine and she happens to live just off my street.  Score on many levels.

 

 

We caught up a few times at the local park and watched our kids play together.  We related well but as our conversations progressed into a more personal realm, I noticed how she was very forthcoming with details about her private life.  She would tell me about her parents in law, who are in fact, well-known locally, her own family, her past.  It was, at times a case of, too much too soon.

 

I’m talking big slap-you-in-the-face details. 

Things I would consider telling my friends but only after a considerable amount of time. I teetered between admiring her openness and feeling compelled to say, “Hey mate, be careful who you tell shit to”.  

 

 

At our last kiddy play date, we agreed to make our friendship official by wetting the proverbial baby’s head, with dinner and drinks down at our local.  I invited another two friends of mine and the date was set, Friday 16 November.  A date that will now be known as, “That Night”.

 

 

So last night, the married with kidlets versions of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha each got dressed and headed out for a much needed and much deserved night on the town.  We arrived promptly for Happy Hour where I stupidly consumed a Vodka AND two and a half sugary Caprioskas.  ‘Dumb’, you say.  I know.  But I blame the excitement on finally being out in public with a handbag, not a nappy bag.

 

 

I got myself comfortably numb early and although I wasn’t completely plastered, I had consumed the first lots of drinks way too quickly, thus failing to pace myself for the rest of the night.  I’ve paid for it today, I assure you.

 

With liquid courage, my old friends got to know my new friend, the ‘Samantha’ of our foursome, very quickly.  There was quick rhetoric and lots of laughs as we shared stories about our kids, husbands and colleagues; the usual victims of conversation when four friends get together.  It was shaping up to be a great night.

 

We went to the dining area and sat down to order.  In retrospect, I wish I’d stopped drinking at that point.  Over the course of the next hour, Samantha transformed into someone completely different.  One of my old friends remained sober throughout the night, so she was able to help me piece together my blurry recollection of the evening.

 

 

Without elaborating too much, straight, married Samantha, although mostly outrageously funny, became sexually suggestive towards my straight, married friends.  She was inappropriate throughout the night in more ways than one and made my sober friend, in particular, feel very uncomfortable.  My sober friend told me, that if I wasn’t so drunk I’d have probably ended the night early, which is what she did.  One of the husbands’, who picked up his wife, my other old friend, qualified my sober friend’s story with his own, very similar version.

 

All in all, what was meant to be a night for the four of us to relax and do something different, quickly because something reminiscent of Schoolies Week. 

 

 

My dilemma

 

I’m pissed off. 

Although we got home safe and sound, there are many minutes I can’t account for during the night, the short cab ride home for example.  I’m not taking the moral high ground on this one, I was just as irresponsible with the teenage binge drinking moment and I’m pissed off that I let it happen.  I’m also pissed off because I feel like I can’t trust my new friend’s character.

 

 

I’m concerned. 

I know my new friend enjoys a drink.  I do too.  But I’m a laugh-my-head-off-and-fall-asleep drunk.  I’m worried that if she’s the what-I’ve-just-described kind of drunk, then she might, in all likelihood, find herself in a situation that she may end up regretting.  I care about her and I don’t want to see her potentially lose friends or worse because she can’t handle her liquor.

 

If I behaved how she did, it would kill me to hear it but I would want to know and I would expect my ‘friends’ to tell me.  I think I’d be upset if they didn’t. 

 

This is what I want to do. 

 

I want to tell her about the night without making her feel like she’s the worst person in the world.  I want to say something like:

“hey, this and this happened and it was pretty full on.  Everyone’s cool but it was mentioned and I feel bad coz I organised it.  I’m just worried that you might not realise it and I don’t want you to find yourself in trouble.  I can understand if this makes you uncomfortable but I’d feel like a shit friend if I didn’t tell you.  Don’t be embarrassed, I’m a walking embarrassment when I’m pissed too.  If you think I’m a bitch I understand but I’m telling you because I care about you”.

 

 

One of the cardinal rules of blogging is never to write something about someone that you can’t say to their face.  I can say this to a friend.  But obviously it’s something that no-one wants to hear. 

 

Wrong or right, I am going to say it, the next time I see her.

I know the friendship is at stake but that will be her decision. 

 

 

I would love nothing more than to continue the play dates and soccer-mumming, with the odd Happy Hour thrown in, for good measure.

 

 

Please leave your thoughts below.  I’d love to hear constructive advice on how to be honest without being hurtful.

 

 

 

About Robomum

I blog after my kids go to sleep. It takes a while. View all posts by Robomum

25 responses to “Happy Hour

  • musertegan

    I’ve faced a situation recently where I had to call someone out on their shitty behaviour. This woman can’t handle her alcohol and betrayed my trust in a completely immoral way. I wasn’t as nice as you as I didn’t want the friendship to continue. I also lost a few other people from my friend circle after this incident. However I have no regrets. She acted completely inappropriately and she needed to be told. Unfortunately it most likely wasn’t a wake up call as her and the others who are no longer in my friend circle are professional victims. If there is a way to spin something to their advantage they will. Quite sad really for a group of women who are all nearly 10 years my senior.

  • EvieMeenyMineyMo

    Either way, it sounds like a very uncomfortable situation. I’m totally non-confrontational, so would more than likely just not invite her out with those friends again & feign excuses if she ever says “hey let’s go out with them again”. I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

  • robomum

    I’m usually non-confrontational as well and I’m not seeing this as a confrontation, just something that needs to be said. If the friendship doesn’t withstand this and I have a feeling that it might not, then at least it’s out there. I can’t be a ‘friend’ unless I’m honest about this.

  • robomum

    Musertegan, This is terrible. So similar though. After today’s tweets, it sounds like I might’ve dredged up some shit with this story. Sorry if I have.

    After reading your reply, I’m thinking about whether I’m having some kind of martyr moment. You did a clean break but I’m hanging on. Why do I care so much? Am I setting myself up for failure in trying to keep her as a friend? Fuck I’m confused now.

    • musertegan

      No you didn’t dredge up thoughts. Seeing one of the people involved last night did. I guess you have to ask yourself if you feel that the friendship will be able to continue in the way it was before. If you just cut her off without explanation then she is going to ask questions. I think the way you’ve explained what you plan to do sounds non confrontational. It’s just about picking the right time to do it. Just prepare yourself that it may end the friendship and that things could get uncomfortable. Good luck with it. Only you can decided when is the right time to address it.

  • iSophie

    That is such an awkward position to be in. So sorry I can’t offer an advice. I hope you can talk to her about it and it doesn’t affect your new friendship.

  • Jess @ myheartisyourhome

    I absolutely hate being in situations like these but I always chose to be honest. If I am made to feel like I need to say something then I generally do, I have lost a lot of friends because of it but when I look back on those situations it was probably best for the friendships to end anyhow. Good luck with the conversation hun, I hope it goes the way you want it to. xx

  • yvettelittlebentoblog

    wow!! Very awkward position to be in.. I would talk to her, in a light hearted way.. to see how she responds.. afterall you can’t ignore it.. it may or maynot happen again.. it may just be her personality when she’s drunk?

    #teamIBOT

    • robomum

      Maybe. I was thinking of tackling it in a light hearted way. Anything else would be accusatory and I don’t want to take that road. Thanks for stopping in to help ;o)

  • Catherine Rodie Blagg (Cup of Tea and a Blog)

    I tend to go with the old ‘honesty is the best policy’. It doesn’t sound like it will be a comfortable conversation, but trust instincts. Good luck! x

  • mumabulous

    To someone totally outside the situation this is hilarious. I do however, sympathize with the situation you find yourself in. It sounds like you either have to sideline here completely or have that little chat. Good luck with it. I hope you realize that the blogging community is gagging to find out how it all goes.

  • carmen@musingnmayhem (@Sp3llB1nd3r)

    I sure hope she takes it well. Surely it can’t be the first time she’s found herself in a similar situation! Good luck with that next catch up! 🙂 x

  • EssentiallyJess

    Far out that’s a tricky situation. i admire your resolve though, and hope it goes well.

  • Kirsty @ My Home Truths

    I think you need to say something and be honest as it will just fester there and you will not be able to really enjoy your friendship. I think what you have suggested is the best way forward, although I know it won’t be easy. Good on you for making another friend, I know it’s something I struggle with, sometimes you do have to take the chance though, don’t you?

    • robomum

      I really hope it does work out. This is big for me which is why i shared it. A problem shared is a problem halved.
      If it doesn’t work out, I might just stick to making new friends online. ;o)

  • Me

    I don’t have much to add. I think what you have planned to do sounds right – I would rather know if I had behaved badly and if she wants to drop you as a friend for caring about her behaviour, she probably isn’t worth having as a friend in the first place. The timing of what you want to say will count for a lot – I hope you manage to work things out, it is horrible when you find a friend to lose them because they get silly when alcohol is involved.
    Thinking of you – hope to hear that once you have talked to her it is all good !
    Have a great week.
    Me
    PS – thanks for stopping by my blog !

  • Kelly HTandT

    Hi there!
    I don’t think I’ve been here before. And wow, what a predicament indeed!
    It’s probably good that this happened so early in the friendship. I see two possible paths, she might be ok with you telling her, you will both get passed it and your friendship will carry on. Or, she won’t handle it, and she’ll move on. Either way, better it happened now than deeper into the friendship, with more at stake.
    Maybe she just doesn’t get out often enough!
    x

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