Tag Archives: Mental Health

My Crazy  

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If my mind was a pub counter meal, my crazy would be the limp little salad, not the huge hunk of schnitzel…

 

 

When I was about 7 or 8, I remember a morning before school where something was going on at home.  I don’t recall the problem, or the words exchanged between my parents but I do remember the feeling of being marched to the front door and sent to school with a swift smack on the bum.

 

 

Perhaps my upset state activated my imagination, but this was also the morning I was followed to school.  In hindsight, the old man who was smiling at me, driving too close to the curb for too long, could’ve been searching for friend’s place but at that time, in my little burdened mind, he was chasing me and so I ran all the way to school arriving late, wet and completely exhausted.

 

 

Looking back, I isolate that experience as one that instigated my struggle with anxiety.  I’m not aware of the medical diagnoses for anxiety or paranoia but I do have my own definition and I know exactly what it feels like.

 

 

 

It is the belief that something bad will inevitably happen and trusting my gut, is not enough.

 

It is the idea that sharing my inner thoughts will leave me open to critique, ridicule. 

 

It is the notion that people don’t really want the best for me, they don’t really care.

 

It is the angst I feel, when in my heart of hearts, I love those close to me with everything I can muster, but I keep them at a comfortable distance, just in case.

 

A working example:

Today I sent my son to vacation care – a trip to the movies.  My mind raced ahead and I made Mr Robo take a photograph of him in his tracksuit, just in case.

 

And another:

I’m on the train right now and although the woman next to me is looking out the window to her left, I’m convinced she’s sneaking glances at my screen, to her right. I’ve contorted my body to the point of discomfort, just in case.

 

 

The negativity that plagues my mind at times, is excruciating.  It’s irrational, unjustified.

But with my kind of crazy, I have, thankfully, developed a heightened awareness.  I know my absurdities and I am aware that they are groundless. I just need some time, to remember that everything will be OK.

 

 

So this is why my blog remains anonymous.

My blog is my space.

I don’t blog often.  But if I feel like sharing, it is unmeasured, unrestrained.

 

But I wonder, is sharing nameless and faceless actually sharing?

 

 

Is your blog anonymous?  Were you apprehensive about revealing your identity?

Let me know of any cool anon blogs you might’ve come across.

 

 

Love,

Robo X


A little bit of help

I chucked a sickie today.

Admittedly, I woke up with a shocking headache.  I couldn’t get it together for long enough to even get dressed.  So I called in sick, took two Panadol and went straight back to bed.

An hour and a half later, on my second attempt at waking up, I felt like a million bucks. Headache gone.  You Little Ripper!

On Fridays, Mum looks after my kids while I go to work.  She arrives early and spends the whole day here, at my place.  On Fridays, I often return home to happily exhausted kidlets and a pot of dinner bubbling away on the stove.   Sometimes she’ll run a quick vacuum, or fold a basket of washing.

My kids adore their Grandmother and love her visits.  My mum is gold.  I don’t know how she does it but this weekly gift she gives me and my family is priceless.

Today, as usual, she was here right on time.

She fed the kids breakfast before the fun started.  All morning, I could hear squeals of laughter, silly stories and lots of songs.  The TV and tablet were off but the imagination was in overdrive.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing my kids a disservice with all the technology they access but more on that in another post.

For my kids, Fridays are obviously all about talking teddy bears and going outside to play in the garden.  Good old-fashioned Grandma FUN.

Mum being here today and my not-so-sickie-after-all, allowed me to get to two things I hate doing.  Packing away clean laundry and cleaning up the little area where we dump backpacks, handbags, shoes and jackets.

Now they’re done!

I even got to shower and blow dry my hair without interruption.

4.30pm and I’m sitting on the lounge.  The kids are playing with their toys on the rug.  I feel pretty good right now.  Invigorated, uncluttered.   Ready to tackle the weekend of birthday parties, swimming lessons and grocery shopping.

A little bit of help goes a very long way in Mumhood.

God bless Mental Health Days but more importantly, God bless our Mums.

Thanks Mum.  I love you.  X