My mother in law is a collector.
Mismatched crockery, linen, crystal, small pieces of rope tied together to make a longer length…
Fifty percent annoying, fifty percent admirable.
She’s from that practical generation.
The generation that understands hard work and knows what it’s like to save and wait for every possession.
The generation with an innate sense of frugality and of worth.
A strange item that my mother in law keeps has morphed, over the years, into a rather odd collection.
Remembrance cards – the little memorial keepsakes that are handed out at funerals.
She has hundreds but displays just a handful – they’re taped to the inside walls of a glass-fronted cabinet, in her kitchen.
Greek immigrants to Australia formed solid bonds in those early years and together they built strong communities. Growing up, we have always known elderly Greeks – we’d call them θεία and θείο, Aunt and Uncle, an extension of the family. As the years passed on, they did too – I’ve often accompanied my parents to funeral services. I have a distinct and early memory of hugging my mother’s leg at a burial, my child’s mind silently questioning why the coffin was going downwards, when heaven was clearly up.
More often than not, the local Greek newspapers have entire pages devoted to death and memorial notices – quarter page photographs with a biography detailing the village in which they were born, their work in Australia and the names of their partner and children. It’s a rite of passage in the Greek community, it is customary to attend the funeral of someone you knew. Our religion is dutiful in its commemoration of the dead and so is our culture.
Koliva is a symbolic wheat recipe that is blessed and served at memorial services.
My mother in law’s remembrance cards are an offbeat assortment of the dead. The photographs on some of her little cards are of young people, others are middle-aged but most are elderly. They are relatives, friends, acquaintances, neighbours and compatriots.
People she knew, lived with and loved.
She looks in this cabinet every morning as she takes her pills and countless times throughout the day, her gaze drift through the glass door.
A steadfast reminder of mortality, the brevity of our existence and the importance of all we are left with – our memories.
I learnt from my mother in law to keep remembrance cards. They’re in my wardrobe, in a little cardboard box. With each passing I attend, I add to my collection. To me, they are primary evidence I can one day show my children – each card reperesents a life and each life has a moral to its story.
There were people before us.
People who led rich, abundant lives.
Some were sick, others were killed and some just grew old.
Value the people in your community and you too, will be valued.
The other day, I jovially asked my mother in law why she keeps all those cards.
She hesitated, let out an uncomfortable laugh and then said that she just can’t throw them away.
Neither can I.
I have never lost someone exceptionally close to me but I wonder, if that time comes, will I tape their remembrance card to my kitchen cupboard? Will someone tape mine to theirs?
Do you keep mementos? How do you, not forget?
Love,
Robo X
Linking up with Miss Jess and #IBOT
July 1st, 2014 at 20:51
It’s interesting that comment about not throwing them away – we have put the funeral programmes (with photos on the back) on the bookshelf and in with the photo albums, because I don’t know what to do with them, and they may be the only photo of the person I have…lovely post.
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
Thanks Lydia.
July 1st, 2014 at 20:51
I keep them. But not in one spot. I think I need a “remembrance” box. I guess I haven’t had a lot of death in my life so it has been an ad hoc collectors type thing. One in my bedside draw, one in my desk drawer, one pinned on our wall of “stuff” near the phone. I really must have a box to keep the memories of special people alive.
Great post Robo!
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
I think collating them would be worthwhile. Memories are important.
July 1st, 2014 at 20:51
Your MIL sounds like my Dad. You should see his shed! What a step back in time that is. I have only lost my Grandpa, and I was 14 when he died so I don’t have anything but a few photos on the computer somewhere. Not ideal hey.. I should get them printed at least. #teamIBOT
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
A man’s shed is a special place. My dad is like your dad and Mr Robo is becoming the same. X
July 1st, 2014 at 20:51
Having moved 22 times, each move I tend to have a big throw out and organising keep sake boxes for my girls. I wish I’d thought to include their great grandparents remembrance cards. Might have to see if I can borrow someone elses and have them copied.
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
Yes, definitely do that. X
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
And 22 moves?! Far out!!
July 1st, 2014 at 20:51
I have lost 4 grandparents in 5 years so I understand the need to hang on to a memory of them in some way. A beautiful post Robo…this is the kind of thing you should be writing more about on your blog!
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
Sorry Lisa, for your loss. I’m glad you read between the lines of this post. I loved writing it. X
July 1st, 2014 at 20:51
I’m not a real moment person at all. In fact I can’t really think of anything I have kept, except my grandmothers vase, that my dad passed along to me.
Remembrance cards seem like a lovely thing to keep though. A great reminder of those who have gone before.
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
Too true hun x
July 1st, 2014 at 20:51
Yes actually I do keep most cards that have nice messages in them, I biff the ones that say Hi, bye, see you later but I love the ones that have meaning! I’ve never really had grandparents but I can see why they’d be wanting to hold on to keepsakes
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
I love a good card as well. I keep all that stuff too. X
July 1st, 2014 at 20:51
Beautiful and interesting post, Robo. I can’t bare to throw memorial cards out either. It just seems disrespectful to me.
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
Thank you x
July 1st, 2014 at 20:51
What a lovely thing to do, to remember those who you loved. It sounds like a good tradition to keep.
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
Thanks T ! X
July 1st, 2014 at 20:51
There is always that awkward moment when you place a funeral service on the recycling pile – it always takes me a few days to be able to do it but I can’t imagine keeping them around either.
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
Greek Orthodox churches give special icon cards on saint days during church. I give those to my mum to burn. I can’t throw them out. X
July 2nd, 2014 at 20:51
Oh I love this, as morbid as it might sound. A great memory of people that pass through your life and way to think about them also. My Grandad is 87 now, and goes to funerals quite regularly. He jokes there will be none of his friends at his own, but isn’t that the way you almost want it?
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
At that age, funerals are the new black! God bless him. Memories are vital to our psyche. X
July 2nd, 2014 at 20:51
I’ve kept the ones of family members close to me, I just can’t throw them out. This is such a lovely post, and actually had me a bit teary xx
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
Sorry! Memories are just so important. They need to be passed down. X
July 4th, 2014 at 20:51
This is something my mother does too. I don’t know what it is about that makes us keep things like this. Pieces of paper as a reminder, a memory.
I do love these little quirks that make up the character of a person. The finer intricacies are so fascinating. Thanks for writing about it!
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
Thanks Vicki. X
July 4th, 2014 at 20:51
A resonating post… I came across a little ‘love note’ of my tiny daughter’s recently, addressed to me and put away in a drawer – it said “I like you very much”.
There’s fine line between hoarding and keeping lovely mementos but I do just love hand-written cards. They will probably one day be obsolete! 🙂
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
That day will come! Maybe not in our lifetime but I can see it happening.
July 4th, 2014 at 20:51
I keep them too and so does my mother. I really loved this post and reading about your family traditions 🙂
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
Thank you Kaz. X
July 4th, 2014 at 20:51
Beautiful post – I do keep things that are precious to me and, when the children were young and our very elderly cat passed away we made a memory box for Billy, pictures that the children drew, our favourite photos of him etc, for a while the children would add to that box every now and then and it’s still very special to me.
July 5th, 2014 at 20:51
That’s lovely. A memorial box that everyone can contribute to is a beautiful idea. X
July 9th, 2014 at 20:51
My hubby laminated his fathers, and it sits up on a shelf. They are special mementos..