One Day I’ll Explain

17 years ago this Thursday, something terrible happened.

 

 

It’s a distant memory now, in fact, I rarely even think about it but from time to time, it rears its filthy head.

 

 

There are key words and certain sounds as well, where I instantly and involuntarily, recall the event.  But the one thing that teleports me back there, to that day, is when I hear a similar story in the media.

 

 

Like you, I awoke today to the horrific news of the Boston Marathon bombing.

 

And I was back there.

1996.

A 19 year old Robo, in her floral top and Tencel jeans.

 

 

The event was one of the most traumatic episodes you can fathom.

I didn’t suffer from depression but I can’t say that I’ve recovered.

 

It comes back, however it doesn’t reduce me to tears anymore.

These days, it gives me sense of paranoia, that something bad may happen to my family and it also makes me so incredibly sad.

I’m not down often, but if like today in Boston, hell and earth align and evil escapes and terrorism occurs, I am overwhelmed with grief.

 

 

I know first hand how inexplicably terrified each and every one of those unsuspecting people felt.

 

One day, I’ll explain it to you.

 

 

Robo X

About Robomum

I blog after my kids go to sleep. It takes a while. View all posts by Robomum

30 responses to “One Day I’ll Explain

  • Oculus Mundi

    It obviously matters to you and it wants to be spoken. So good for you for finding the courage to bring it up at all. Whatever helps.

    I found, for me, cognitive behavioural therapy helped with post traumatic stress and frightening and upsetting memories. Stopping and challenging the memory, freezing it in place, taking a mental kodak picture in my mind and throwing the picture away are my tools. I tell myself, brain, it is ok to stop trying to solve this puzzle now. I sent you on a quest to find a reason why people hurt us, but you will never know the reason, so it’s ok to. just. stop. now.

    I hope you don’t think that’s too forward of me. You may already have had counselling or be taking other steps to deal with flashbacks or memories,t his might not be relevant to you. But CBT changed my life, so I do tend to rant and rave about it a little 🙂

  • Lynne Wambeek

    My Heart reaches out to anyone who has suffered Trauma in their lives…. we all have issues but Trauma does not touch all of us… Stay Strong and live each day as it comes x

  • Slapdash Mama

    😦
    Robo I’m so sorry something awful happened to you. I hope you aren’t too disturbed by the memories today.

  • Salz

    Hugs hun. I know just how hard that would have been to just write that part. There is no need to explain yourself if you’re not comfortable.

  • Kim

    Oh Robo. I’m do sorry something happened to you like this. You don’t need to explain, but I hope you can find a way to heal it. Until then, wrap up tightly, drink tea, seek comfort, and wait it out. We’re here. Xx

    • robomum

      Thanks sweetie. It’s a terrible thing but time does ‘heal’, or at least it makes you forget for a while. But sometimes memories can still be raw. X

  • Ness

    I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry you had to experience this (whatever it was) I hope the memories fade and you have some peace. You are incredibly brave. xo

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  • Zanni Arnot

    That sounds full on Robo. I know from the work I have done with others that these events do leave psychological scars. I am sorry you had to experience that. What a world we live in.

  • Enid Bite'Em

    One of the ‘good’ things that many people don’t know about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (although I’m not trying to label you Robomum) is that Post-Traumatic Growth often follows (despite the extraordinary painful process to get there). There’s a good chapter on it in Martin Seligman’s Flourish. XO.

    • robomum

      Thanks so much for your comment. Until I started following a friend’s blog, I didn’t know anything about PTSD. I’m still not sure – I just know that almost 20 years later, I can still have bad days.

  • mamagrace71

    Wishing you love and light, Robomum. I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve gone through. Hope you’ve had plenty of support and care along the way xxx

  • Kathy

    Hi Robo – I’m visiting you for the first time after FYFB today and sorry to hear of the trauma you suffered and the traumatic memories that have surfaced for you with the Boston tragedy. Sorry that you dealing with this and adding my little bit of on-line support. Regardless of whatever other ways you find help you to continue to deal with your situation, I’m sure blogging will be a help – it’s a great community.

  • Vanessa Beattie (@BabblingBandit)

    Hi Robo. Terrorism is horror on such a large scale. PTSD can be just has terrorising but in a deeply personal way. I’ve had PTSD after several traumas throughout my life. The one that I have blogged about recently was horrific but the writing has helped me so much more than I ever expected it to. Putting the experience into words is helping me to step outside the events, rather than to constantly relive them whenever there is a trigger to push my buttons. I’m so sorry that you’ve had a bad experience. I hope you find peace soon. V.
    PS I’ve never heard of Post Traumatic Growth. Going to google that one now!

    • robomum

      Writing is a very big help – totally agree with you. Getting it out and sharing makes me feel so much better. My blog lets me do this, on my terms. I hope you’ve had a wonderful weekend. Thanks so much for your message. X

  • mumabulous

    I’m sorry that you’ve had a terrible event in your life. I’m not sure what to say other than be proud of yourself. Whatever it was it didn’t destroy you. You’ve gone on to create a beautiful life for you and your family. Love Brenda

  • EssentiallyJess

    This gave me goosebumps. I’m so sorry for your loss, whatever it was. What hale ended in Boston was beyond horrific.
    And on another note, how cool were tncel jeans?

    • robomum

      Boston was a nightmare, So much tragedy around the world this week. Texas, China’s earthquake, children drowning here in Sydney. I hope that’s it for a while. Tencel Jeans were the hottest ;o) X

  • Have a laugh on me

    I bet it can’t be easy living with trauma, sometimes it’s easier to forget some things, although when tragedy occurs around us it can be hard to do so. Thinking of you – Em x

  • robomum

    Thanks Em! You’re a great bloggy pal! X

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