The other day, my colleagues and I put on a morning tea for all the Teachers at school.
Morning tea at school is a big deal. It’s taken in turn, by faculty. One week Science, next week Maths and so on. Put on a good morning tea and people will smile at you for the rest of the day, put on a bad one and it’ll be talked about for the next week.
Being Easter, my ten staff room members and I threw in ten bucks each. One of the ladies put in an order up at Baker’s Delight. We had Hot Cross Buns, butter, coffee and tea and of course, Easter Eggs. The buffet looked like an Easter dream. Lots of everything.
I was on playground duty during recess but from what I was told when I arrived, the staff had loved it. It may have been the approaching long weekend but everyone seemed excited by such a generous and timely Easter morning tea. Success.
Just before the end-of-recess bell rang, a colleague of mine who helped to organise the catering, suggested to the milling crowd that as there was lots left over, people should take some for lunch and for anyone who missed out.
It was a bad call.
People started swiping napkins full of buns, handfuls of eggs…
It was chaos.
My eyes darted around the room and I quickly located and marked a certain staff member who I shall call, “Eats Like a Horse but is Stick Thin”. Known for eating much more than their fair share at every opportunity.
Every possible and free opportunity.
ELAHBIST made a break for the extra supplies, where I was standing. In quite a loud teachery voice, I said that the full bags weren’t for the taking.
Take that!
ELAHBIST RAN back to the serving table to load up on buns… They were quicker than me, older but more nimble. And more cunning! Somehow, they had pilfered one of the spare Baker’s Delight bags. I’d been blindsided.
What ELAHBIST did next will go down in staff room folklore:
ELAHBIST FILLED UP THE EMPTY BAKER’S DELIGHT BAG WITH HOT CROSS BUNS AND THEN, IN ONE QUICK MANEUVER, SWIPED ONE OF THE FULL BAGS ON THEIR WAY OUT!
WTF?
Who steals Hot Cross Buns?!
ELAHBIST does!!
My staff room was in disbelief, then we were angry; there would be no Hot Cross Buns for us to take home and we’d paid for the bloody whole thing!
We were in shock for the rest of the day, so much so that we were compelled to declutter our tiny kitchenette for the first time in the five years I’ve been there.
Knee-deep in mismatched crockery we laughed to ease the Hot Cross Bun pain.
“Do you think ELAHBIST would want this?” a colleague announced, holding up a dirty, chipped coffee mug, circa 1980. “Or this?” A mug with someone else’s name on it.
Oh well. I hope ELAHBIST enjoyed their Hot Cross Buns today.
I hope they didn’t swallow any moldy bits.
I love hearing stories about office goings on. One of my favourite shows is The Office.
Do you have any experiences with an office weirdo?
Happy Easter!
Robo X
RoboMum 
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Oh my GAWWD! This is hilarious. What a cracker of a workmate. And for the record, I have so many mentals at work i wouldn’t have any idea where to start. Truly rooly!
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
I could write a book with the freaks I’ve worked with…. Thanks for stopping in!
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Good lord, I’m the queen of cakies and even I wouldn’t do that. Truly bizarre. I haven’t worked for years, so don’t really have any recent stories. At one place where I temped years ago people were apparently pinching toilet paper from the loos. A tad desperate, but I guess some people will go that far to penny pinch.
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
When I was living with a certain nurse, in my early 20s, we were forever stealing bog roll from the various pubs and nightclubs we frequented. Our motto was, never waste money we could use to buy alcohol. I always bring a bit of class to the table, don’t I?
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Bog roll. You are ALL class. Stat.
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
I am noticing a toilet paper stealing pattern.
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Omg how rude. You are too nice mate. You all should have taken them home to your kids and family no matter how much was left over. As for the funny stories at work I have non really. My director had no idea how to send an email and she was my age. I found that funny.
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Technology is hard for some people…. An email though? Sheesh.
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Ugh. I worked at a school for five years. We had a gigantic, muscular sporting chap who was always the very first person in the room whenever a morning tea was put on, already stuffing his greedy face while others were still actually putting the food out. Never once saw him bring anything though. He was a very tall and wide chap and would push his unhesitatingly through to the front and then – no kidding – on several occasions actually SAT on the table to block others further and be better able to reach the food of his choice.
There has to be something psychologically really wrong with these sorts. Made for a funny read though!
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Eeew gross. Who sits on the buffet table?!
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Oh my goodness! That reminds me of the scene in Looking for Alibrandi, where Josie & John are at the debate & the teacher takes “her third Tim Tam”.
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Don’t talk to me about LFA. Have seen it three times this term.
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
I’m still so annoyed that she stayed with Jake in the end of the movie. WTF man!
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Most kids I teach can’t stand her character and feel the same way. I’ll lose it if I have to teach it next year.
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Really? I think I identified with her because I was 17 & at an all girls school. Movie came out when I was in year 12 & you could pick the students who hadn’t read the book. The movie wasn’t as good as the book. I met the author in year 11. That’s a really long time to be on HSC syllabus. Has there been no other good books? I should write one.
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
I teach to the film for my lower ability. It has lots re culture that my kids relate to. Convert ‘interesting’ topics into literacy activities. I’m over it but they aren’t…
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
Ahh that’s fair enough. I actually watched the movie again a few months back & it’s still quite relevant today, I don’t think it’s aged.
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
It hasn’t… I have. It is a great story.
March 31st, 2013 at 20:51
That’s totally understandable!
April 1st, 2013 at 20:51
Crack me up – who does that?? Also ROBO I’m sure you’re aware, but just in case you’re not – your FYBF posts never have an image attached on Grace’s page, is that on purpose? (man I’m a nosey biatch right?!) Em
April 1st, 2013 at 20:51
ALWAYS get a red X… Too busy getting out the door to try and fix.
You know now that I’m an international woman of mystery. Maybe I like it that way. Do I? Maybe…
April 5th, 2013 at 20:51
That was SOOOO funny! Still laughing…..
April 5th, 2013 at 20:51
Love it Robomum!!! :). Hilarious post!
April 5th, 2013 at 20:51
Back in my stockbroking days our financial controller would pull shit like that. He’d take home all the snacks left over from Friday night drinks as well as the uneaten sandwiches from client lunches. Drove me mental.
April 8th, 2013 at 20:51
Me too! Did we work at the same place???
April 5th, 2013 at 20:51
Hilarious story!
April 6th, 2013 at 20:51
ELAHBIST *must* be from the HPE Department, right? And yep, I’m a teacher too and every school I’ve been at has at least one his/her twins! x
April 8th, 2013 at 20:51
ELAHBIST is actually Maths trained…. But a good eater all the same ;o)
May 30th, 2013 at 20:51
[…] This colleague is so unbelievable she has her own personal post that you can read here. […]
October 17th, 2013 at 20:51
[…] My little one hit my laptop late last night and regardless of how many times I hit undo, I couldn’t get my document back on my screen. So no funny post from me today. There’s one here though. And here. […]
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