This afternoon, while the rest of you Melbourne Cupped, I quickly and quietly slipped out to see my pal, Nhung. Our local, trusty beautician.
Nhung is like the barman who knows your name but better. She knows your name, your partner’s name, your kids names and your sister’s husbands name.
Nhung rocks hard.
“Why you cut your nails short?” she yelled at me, as soon as I put my shocking feet into the little white bath.
“Nhung!” I pleaded convincingly, “I had an ingrown toe nail and had to cut them all because it looked funny if I just cut one!”
I know it was a poor excuse but it was the first thing that fell out of my head.
I lied to Nhung.
The real story is that I attempted a quick DIY nail job at home and got Cajun Shrimp everywhere. Anyone who has their own Nhung would know that I mean here, Cajun Shrimp the bright orange OPI colour, not the food.
Anyway, my pedi looked like the work of my 22 month old daughter. Not only could I not get the orange off my nails, I couldn’t get it off my cuticles or off the skin around my toes.
So I had to cut my toe nails pretty bloody short and scrub my feet during every shower for about a week.
“They so short”, Nhung kept saying, “I can’t make longer!”
Although she shook her head more times than I care to remember, and called a colleague over to discuss the matter of my short toes nails, Nhung worked her magic and now my ugly feet look like a million bucks.
They’re still hideously ugly but at least they’re a tiny bit prettier.
I hope your Melbourne Cup arvo was a bit more interesting than mine.