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I haven’t written in years. Truly written. I haven’t sat down with pen or paper and poured out my mind out onto the page. I haven’t chosen words carefully for effect. I haven’t punctuated for impact. I haven’t drafted, edited, re-read or re-drafted in so many years.
I used to be a writer. A strong reader and a strong writer. I had an appreciation for poetry, comedy, parody, dialogue, monologue, fairy tale. Any tale. I’d write in any mood, any location and any time of the day or night. I’d write for courage and for comfort. I’d write how others might pray. With unadulterated honesty. I’d write to organise my thoughts and to make decisions. Clarity.
It’s ironic. I graduated university in 1999 with new letters after my name. An Arts degree. An Arts degree in Text and Writing. But for so many years thereafter, nothing. No reading but little snippets in papers and in magazines. No writing but greeting cards and shopping lists. No clarity.
Life took me on an interesting journey through Womanhood, Coupledom, Marriage and Motherhood. And this is the Hood I’m in right now. Ins and outs, ups and downs, the journey of life has led me here.
A husband, two kids, a mortgage, a full-time job and a partridge in a pear tree that’s owned by the Bank.
I will not gloss over the truth in my next sentence. Some days in Motherhood, it’s so fucking hard to get my shit together I have no idea how the day will start let alone how it will end. Like many Mums I know and hear about, I do such little for myself it is almost impossible to imagine. I’m last, when in my previous Hood, I was always first.
I’m still me. I’m still here. I’m just hiding. I’m drowning actually, sinking well into Motherhood and losing more and more of myself with every day that passes.
Having said all that, I’m not complaining. Really. I’m accepting and I’m changing what I can to rebalance. Clarity of Mind, Spirit and Self.
So after a long hiatus I have picked up the proverbial pen and paper again, well laptop now. And I will write.
Honestly, accurately, transparently.
I will write until it’s all out and I won’t stop until I reorganise my thoughts. Reclaim myself. I will write for Clarity. Until Clarity.
I am Robomum.
Let me know if you are too.